A true story of choice, courage, and doing what’s right for your family

Most of us grow up believing funerals follow a strict formula. You choose a funeral director, select a package, attend the crematorium, follow the expected steps, and hope it feels meaningful.

But the truth is very different.

You can arrange a funeral your way - creatively, compassionately, practically, and in a way that truly reflects the person you love while supporting your own emotional wellbeing.

This is one woman’s story of doing exactly that. It begins with a house move, and ends with a celebration of life that broke every rule - and healed a family in the process.

A sudden loss in the middle of a new beginning

After deciding to move closer to their grown children, Tracey* and her husband finally found a home near Northwich. They moved in on the 2nd of August, full of plans and possibility.

Just nine days later, while out for a celebratory meal, her husband collapsed unexpectedly. Despite every effort to save him, the oxygen deprivation had been too severe. He later died in hospital while on life support.

The shock was immense.

They had only just unpacked boxes, were still changing addresses, and hadn’t yet found their feet in a new community. Everything felt unfinished - and then suddenly, everything changed.

In the midst of that chaos and heartbreak, something unexpected happened.

Tracey received a quiet, spiritual message - not loud or dramatic, but clear and steady:

“Don’t let grief in.”

Not that she shouldn’t feel sadness. Not that she shouldn’t mourn. But that she didn’t need to be consumed by the traditional rituals that so often deepen distress rather than soften it.

That message became the foundation for arranging a funeral in a completely different way.

Challenging the funeral ‘rules’

As the family began contacting funeral directors and crematoriums, a pattern quickly emerged.

Most companies offered only fixed packages. Cars, coffins, service slots, timings - everything was rigid. Each time Tracey explained that she wanted to do something different, she was redirected to specialist natural burial companies or told it simply wasn’t possible.

But she wasn’t asking for a woodland burial.

She was asking for choice.

And it was startling how few providers were willing to step outside the standard formula.

Eventually, one place offered something invaluable: openness.

Dunham Massey Crematorium listened. They didn’t push a template. They didn’t dismiss the idea. They simply said, “Yes - we can help you do this your way.”

A funeral director in Manchester also agreed to support the family with only what they actually needed: the practical transportation of the body. No limousines. No ceremonial cars. No pressure to add unnecessary extras.

Just help where help was needed.

And that was enough.

Removing the most distressing part

One of the most powerful decisions came from a simple and deeply honest realisation:

Tracey told me “The moment I see a coffin, grief hits - not just mine, but everyone’s. I wanted to remove that.”

Instead of holding a service with the coffin present, the family chose to have the cremation take place quietly and privately early one morning. It was peaceful, dignified, and far more affordable.

The celebration would come later.

This choice alone lifted a huge emotional weight.

People didn’t walk into a room and immediately face death.

They walked into a room filled with life.

Creating a celebration instead of a ceremony

With the cremation complete, the family turned their attention to what truly mattered: honouring the man they loved.

They created a vibrant, heartfelt celebration in a community church space - one that felt real, warm, and unmistakably him.

• Their daughter created a beautiful tribute video using family clips, music, laughter, and shared memories.

• Their son, skilled in media, supported the sound, visuals, and overall atmosphere.

• Around 200 people attended - friends old and new, community members, church friends, and colleagues.

• There was humour alongside tenderness, storytelling instead of silence.

Instead of a coffin, there was a simple biodegradable urn - carried in discreetly inside a Tesco bag.

That small, human moment caused a ripple of laughter. The tension broke. Shoulders softened. People breathed again.

Stories were shared - funny ones, moving ones, stories that captured his quirks, his kindness, his essence. A live band played. The room felt full, connected, alive.

This wasn’t about tradition.

It was about love.

Why this worked: emotional and practical freedom

What this family discovered - and what so many people don’t realise - is that you have far more freedom than the traditional funeral industry often suggests.

You don’t have to:

• Buy a full funeral package

• Hold the service at a crematorium

• Display a coffin

• Spend thousands of pounds

• Do anything that doesn’t feel right

You can:

• Use funeral services only for the practical support you actually need

• Book a direct or no-service cremation at a reduced cost

• Hold your own celebration in a place that holds meaning

• Use music, humour, storytelling, creativity, and family involvement

• Create a structure that supports healing rather than deepening distress

For this family, taking a hands-on approach brought clarity, closeness, and peace. It allowed them to honour their loved one while also protecting their emotional wellbeing.

Why more people need to hear this

Too many families feel pressured - emotionally and financially - into funerals they don’t want and can’t afford.

In the fog of grief, it’s easy to believe tradition is mandatory.

But it isn’t.

Funerals can be:

• Spiritual without being religious

• Meaningful without being formal

• Personal without being expensive

• Healing instead of overwhelming

Most importantly, funerals can reflect the real person - not just the expected process.

A final thought

Every story of loss is different, and every goodbye deserves to be shaped with compassion, intention, and individuality.

Whether you choose a traditional funeral, a simple cremation, or a creative, family-led celebration, remember this:

You are allowed to do it your way.

There is no right or wrong - only what feels meaningful, loving, and true to the person you are honouring, and to the people left behind.

If you have a similar story you would like to share, please get in touch. Stories like this matter - and they help others realise they are not alone, and that choice is always possible.

* Names changes for privacy reasons.