Thinking about your own funeral might not be the easiest thing to do - but planning ahead can be one of the most thoughtful and loving acts you ever undertake. Far from being morbid, it’s an act of compassion that can ease the emotional and practical burden on your family during a very difficult time.

When grief takes hold, even the simplest decisions can feel overwhelming. By making choices now - about how you’d like to be remembered, celebrated, and laid to rest - you give your loved ones the space to mourn without the pressure of trying to second-guess your wishes.

Here are some of the key areas to consider as you plan your farewell, and how each can bring peace of mind to those you’ll one day leave behind.

Choosing a Funeral Plan

A pre-paid funeral plan can help protect your family from rising costs and decision fatigue. These plans vary in terms of what they cover - some include just the basics, while others allow for more personalised touches like music, flowers, and celebrant fees. Shop around and choose a provider that feels ethical, transparent, and kind.

Burial, Cremation, or Something Else?

Would you like to be buried in a traditional cemetery, laid to rest in a natural woodland burial ground, or cremated? Perhaps you’re drawn to newer eco-options like water cremation or resomation. These choices not only reflect your values but help your family understand what feels most right for you.

If you choose cremation, consider what you’d like done with your ashes: scattered somewhere meaningful, kept by a loved one, placed in a memorial garden, or even transformed into something beautiful like a tree, a reef, or a piece of art.

Your Style: Dress Code and Atmosphere

Would you like everyone in black, or would you prefer a splash of colour, Hawaiian shirts, or your football team's colours? Some people opt for fancy dress, others for simple elegance. Your choices will help set the tone - formal and traditional, or casual and light-hearted.

Choosing a Celebrant

A celebrant plays a central role in shaping your ceremony. They tell your story, guide your family, and bring warmth and comfort to the day. Think about what kind of ceremony you’d like - faith-based, spiritual, secular, or a mix - and choose someone whose tone matches your own personality. You can even meet them in advance or leave notes about what kind of person you’d like.

The Coffin or Casket

Whether you prefer a traditional wooden casket, an eco-friendly wicker or cardboard coffin, or something more unique like a painted design, this is another opportunity to express your values and tastes. Some people even decorate their own coffin ahead of time!

Music Matters

Music has a powerful role in funerals. Think about what you’d like to play at key moments:

• Entrance - What do you want people to hear as they walk in and take their seats?

• Reflection - Is there a piece that captures your soul, something calming or deeply meaningful for quiet moments of memory?

• Exit - Would you like a stirring finale, something joyful, or a tearjerker to help release emotion?

Music speaks when words fall short - choose tunes that tell your story.

Your Life Story: The Heart of Your Ceremony

This is where your family will really feel your presence.

To help your celebrant (and your loved ones) share your story, consider writing - or recording - answers to some of the following:

• Where did you grow up?

• Who were your parents, siblings, or other influential figures?

• Were was your education? Do you have any significant stories?

• What kind of work did you do, and what did you enjoy most about it? Includes company names and start and end dates.

• Did you have significant relationships? A partner? Children? Grandchildren?

• Who were your close friends, and what did friendship mean to you?

• What were your passions and hobbies?

• Did you win awards or achieve something you were especially proud of?

• What were your likes and dislikes? Any quirky traits that made you you?

• Did you support any sports teams or belong to any clubs or organisations?

• What music, books, or films inspired you?

• Did you follow a particular religion or hold personal spiritual beliefs?

• What was your favourite food or guilty pleasure?

• What was the funniest moment of your life?

• What are you most grateful for?

• If you could relive one moment, what would it be?

• What was the most memorable day of your life?

• Do you have a favourite saying, motto, or piece of advice you’d like to pass on?

These details paint a full and honest picture of your life - a story full of depth, character, and love.

Letting People Know

Would you like a death notice in the paper or an online obituary? Would you prefer phone calls, messages, or a more formal announcement? Think about how you’d want people to be informed of your passing, and who should be told first.

Final Wishes and Instructions

• If you’re cremated, what should be done with your ashes?

• Do you want a wake or gathering afterwards?

• Would you like flowers, or donations to a charity instead?

• Any specific readings or poetry?

• Would you like someone to speak? If so, who?

These thoughtful touches can turn a funeral into a meaningful celebration of your life.

A Legacy of Love

All of this may seem like a lot to think about - but it doesn’t have to be done all at once. Take your time. Write it down, talk about it, or use a funeral planning workbook to guide you.

In the end, planning your own funeral is not about death at all. It’s about life - your life - and making sure it is honoured in a way that reflects who you are. It’s about easing the burden on your loved ones, giving them confidence and comfort in knowing they’re doing right by you.

It’s the final story you’ll ever tell - make it one of love, clarity, and care.

If you need help...

My memory gathering session cover all of the items in this article and much more. They are available in person (location dependant) and online. If you would like some more information about how i can help you to record your life information, please drop me an email [email protected]